I heard this song for the first time the other day and it just hit my heart. The Lord is faithful. Regardless of me.
Things have been challenging the past few days. A weird kind of challenging. Honestly I think we both teeter between normal life and depression. It's been really eye-opening to see how moving around has given us very little stability. And it's very hard to be productive in the midst of little stability.
We're doing school as best we can. We're slowly working on support. But things like raising support and interacting with people on a regular basis feels pretty overwhelming. Bart gave a short blurb at a church a week ago and he was just off. Bart's the type of guy that you can just hand him a mic and he does great. Well, that wasn't true. We're both just off. And it's not fun feeling that way.
We're continuing to read. Continuing to process. Continuing to try to talk about things as we think of them. We're still trying to move toward the Lord. That process has been ok. I can honestly say that I'm not angry anymore. At least angry with God. There's a weird bitterness that has settled in my heart. I can't really wrap my arms around the whys or hows or even who's. Acknowledging it is the first step, right?
Sleep is still not great. Lots of dreams and just overall bad sleep. Right now the following verses are what we need, specifically the highlighted portion:
1 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
2 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
3 who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
5 who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
God is gracious. Even in the midst of all of this, we are so thankful for the process of being humbled and broken, accepting people's love and hospitality. We have faith that he is redeeming this time, that this pit is temporary and that he will give us the eyes to look back over this time with gratitude for what he's taught us.