The strangest thing

You should know this is the strangest thing I have ever done - you really only need to watch the first 30 seconds.

What he says in this video pretty much sums up how I was feeling getting a root canal done.  It was a little bit crazy to me.  Watching them put this funky plastic thing in my mouth to isolate the tooth.  Sticking little needles inside my tooth. Seeing some sort of smoke rising from my mouth as they use a tool that's really hot to get the excess filling.  I wish it was video taped so I could actually see what was happening.  So strange.  Yet fascinating.

And she did tell me that the nerve is dead.  That probably means more pain and a longer than normal healing time.  It apparently means a knot on my jaw.  Possibly an infection.  I should probably call and ask about that, eh?  But it's done.  It's over.  Healing can begin.  I was so hopeful as I left the doctor's office.

All that the downtrodden can do is go on hoping.  After every disappointment they must find fresh reason for hope.                                                             -Alexander Solzhenitsyn 

Even in the midst of hearing the news of continued pain regarding my tooth, there was still the hope of an end.  If the root canal was done correctly.  If the healing happens, all will be well again.  And that is the hope for our hearts right now.  We are downtrodden.  Our hearts break.  But we have to continue to seek things to hope.

Over the past couple of days, we were kidless.  Grandma and Grandpa took the kids for two nights so that we could celebrate our anniversary.  It was a foreign feeling, having the freedom to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.  We quite thoroughly enjoyed it.  And missed the little kiddos.  It was a huge blessing to have the time alone together though.

It was, however, hard to connect during our time.  When we talked about Venezuela, both tears and a fight ensued (separate conversations).  When we talked about what we're looking forward to, we found little to talk about.  When we tried to talk about our thoughts, our fears, our lives, we didn't have much to say.  We are downtrodden.  But not hopeless.  

We still don't know how to connect well without talking about Venezuela and we don't know how to do that healthily.  We feel hopeless at times, but we're working through it.  We're getting little glimpses here and there of how to help each other.  So we can take steps.  Maybe some are backward, maybe some are a bit to the side, hopefully a few are forward.  Movement.  Just keep feeling and talking and being.  God, help us continue to feel and talk and be.  We need Your grace.