Christmas

It's not Christmas time, not really.  It's October.  But we love Christmas.  The music, the decorations, the smells, the cold.  At least here we can experience the first three.  Kristin brought us some pine tree type candles.  We've been burning them for a while, even to the point that maybe we need to slow it down so we still have them in December.  We've been listening to the music off and on for maybe 2 months now.  We're ready.

But it's just not the same here.  We don't have a tree.  We maybe found a small one that might work.  We acquired some stuff and we think there's a tree in there.  Either way, we'll make it work, even if it's small.  Last year was just a tad depressing without any decorations.  We're not sure if we can make it through another year without.  Bart said he thinks this year will be more difficult than last year.  "For one year, it's not a big deal, but 2 changes things.  It will be harder."

Our team managed to get a bus to take us to the mall, just us.
Hilarious.  That never happens, but still had to pay the regular price!

Why do I bring this up?  Our hearts are a little homesick.  As I've mentioned before, life can be really tough here with a lot of little things wearing on us over time.  And honestly living here has been super stressful on our marriage (and probably our kids as a result).  Even as I was talking to my counselor, one of the things he mentioned was that we can't really console each other when things are really hard because we're both going through the same thing.  So a lot of the time we don't really have the capacity to support and encourage each other.

We're working through it.  We feel like our relationship has been tested in so many ways while living here.  And it's been really hard.  But we're actually really grateful for it.  It's allowed us to move toward each other in ways that we probably never would have before.  And I started counseling since we've been here, so what does that tell you?!?!  Whatever, just go with it.  We're sinful and in need of all kinds of help.

On the train at the mall.  The kids love it.

Even as I try to find humor in our mess of a life, which I do often, I still have tears welling up in my eyes as I write this.  Life has just been incredibly difficult here.  We have so many doubts, so many questions.  Are we making the right choices?  Are we screwing up our kids (which in my opinion is quite inevitable any way you look at it)?  Are we even making a difference?  Is it worth it to kill ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally?

Boundaries.  We need good boundaries.  And to make healthy choices for ourselves and our family.  But that's just really hard.  We were talking this morning about doing something fun this weekend and we were having trouble thinking of things to do.  Sometimes we just want to get out of the house and let the kids do something fun, but what?  We're pretty limited, mostly because there's just not that much to do here.  We make it work, but oftentimes it just feels draining to not have much that's life giving here.

The capybara at the zoo.  They're kind of like big
guinea pigs.  I guess they make good pets.
Maybe we'll bring one back with us and find out...

So what to do with all of that....I don't really know.  But we do know that we're here and we want to be faithful to where the Lord has us.  Would you pray for us?  Would you pray specifically for our family in the midst of what feels like a lot of spiritual warfare?  We've all been having a lot of bad dreams over the course of the past couple of weeks.  It breaks our hearts when Noah always reminds us to pray for our dreams.  He's not a fan and neither are we.

I just thought this was cute.  She makes life
interesting, that's for sure!