Home Alone

I'm home alone for the weekend. And that is honestly what I feel like.  What in the world am I supposed to do with myself?  I'm not even sure I know how to eat all by myself, it's been so long since I've done it.

Melissa took the kids to her mom and dad's for the weekend, mostly so I could have time to get a bunch of things done.  I appreciate it so much, as today has been super productive and fruitful.  I've read a ton, made a bunch of phone calls, and did quite a few other odds and ends that have been piling up, both with financial ministry partner development and just in general around the house.  Thanks babe, I love you a ton.

My Spanish is coming along slowly.  I'm liking the Rosetta Stone method though, it's pretty fun.  It's actually how we learned Azeri while in Azerbaijan (not with the Rosetta Stone, just the method) so it feels pretty natural.  I'm hoping that if I can just develop a pretty good base, once we step foot in country it will come pretty smoothly.  I'm sure I'll have hiccups but it's fun to get started.

I really hope the Celtics win tomorrow.  Call me a bitter Cleveland fan if you must but I do not want the Heat to win anything.  And I'm also pretty excited about Euro 2012.

I have a big day tomorrow with lots and lots of phone calls.  Would you mind praying for me?

Return of the Prodigal Son

I've been spending some time reading through "The Return of the Prodigal Son" by Henri Nouwen.  It's been quite a joy.  I've liked Nouwen for some time now; he just seems to speak to aspects of my heart directly--as though my issues were his and vice versa, and he has a special ability to  bring all this stuff before Calvary.

One thing in particular he wrote hit me this morning.  He was recalling a conversation he had with a friend.  Nouwen had been going through a period in which he was trying to decide whether he was the younger or older son.  Was he more rebellious and wayward?  Was he more proud and demanding?  His answer, to no surprise, was yes.  Both.

This friend, though, said, "Whether you are the younger son or the elder son, you have to realize that you are called to become the father."

This sent him into a tizzy and has hit me fairly heavily this morning.  See, I am not compassionate by default.  Even cordial consideration for others is not something that is easy for me.  However it happened growing up, I just developed a position regarding the world and others that was all focused on myself.  It's all about me, I am the master of my domain and the ruler of my universe.  I am the person that needs pleasing.  I am the one that matters.

So, when I became a Christian, one of the toughest things to outgrow has been my tendency to just completely overlook others.  Wierd?  I'm not sure I'm so rare.  But I do know that I just find in my heart the tendency to still be Bart-centered.  Rarely do I think about how to best love and serve others.

The key there may be simply that I don't think about it.  Huge portions of my life, currently, are dedicated to others--whether it be loving on two young kids that have little to offer in return, or pouring my life out with and for students that need to hear about the message of Christ--I know that God, through the Holy Spirit does love others through me regularly.  But oh how I wish my love for others was more perfected and consistent!

God, I desire to be like you in all things.  I desire to be the Father in the story of the prodigal son.  It is for this we were made; to shepherd, love, protect, and embrace the hurting people in the world around us.  Mold me into this.  Make me the kind of person that forsakes all for the sake of you.  Let others experience your deep love and care for them through me.

Let the River flow

“Notice what happens to the flow of God’s love if we think of it as limited to such sacred events. It is streaming into us, but for the most part it is not flowing through us on to others. We may pray in the eucharistic prayer, ‘Deliver us from the presumption of coming to this table for solace only and not for strength; for pardon only, and not for renewal.’ But if we don’t turn from facing God, so to speak, to face our neighbors, the flow of God’s gifts will be arrested with us, and we will miss the purpose of the strength and renewal that come through the Eucharist. It is as we serve our neighbors - our family, friends, acquaintances - that the dam holding the flow of gifts is lifted and the life of God continues its intended flow.” - Miroslav Volf, Free of Charge

I've been really liking this book lately, if for no other reason than it seems like it is just returning me to simple Gospel truths. If I am only grabbing God's grace for myself, I am missing out. If my worship is solely for my own purpose and enjoyment, then it is not serving its intended purpose.

My experience of joy and love of Christ needs to have an outflow. What could do I do the world that God desperately wants to redeem if I horde all of God's love for myself? God, let my family be an outpouring. Let us overflow with your grace and goodness into any that come into contact with us. Let us have love to give, stemming from an overabundant love and enjoyment of you!

This makes me think of new and fresh ways I could begin to give, areas I could begin to overflow into. More on that soon...